April 17, 2007

Watching the clock

One of the things I find myself doing right now is timeline guessing. I have various scenarios going through my mind for referral dates and travel dates. I just got news from our social worker that she hopes to have the rough draft of our homestudy done this evening. That set off a series of "What ifs.." IF we get our rough draft tonight, then our final done by the end of the week, we could have it in the mail to INS next week. If they take three weeks to process, then that means our dossier will be done mid-May. Give it a week or so in DC, then off to Ethiopia. We just got an update from our family coordinator (aka agency helper) stating that the past two referrals have been very fast (last one was 9 weeks), but the agency expects that most of us will still wait 3-7 months for a referral. Soooo, that means we would be waiting for a referral until August or (latest) December. After the referral we have to wait for a court date--hopefully a few weeks later but it could be 6 weeks, could be much more. Then we would travel. So, best case we travel in the fall to bring home the kids, worst case we travel in the spring.

This latest hobby is an obvious waste of time. Without even putting any thought into it anyone could say, "Well, I'd imagine you would travel anywhere from fall to spring." I'd give that person a look, shake my head and walk away thinking, "What do you know?"

I'm not planning on waiting until spring to bring those kids home. I'm planning on having five kids screaming down my stairs on Christmas morning, so I better bring two home before then! Which means that my social worker needs to get the homestudy done and INS has to process quickly, nothing slips through cracks and all arrives safely in Ethiopia. I feel my mind getting cranked up and whirring at the endless possibilities. I'm also completely disregarding God's plan. He could be planning for us to go very quickly or wait until next spring. After all the mind whirring, I have come full circle. I know what I need to do and can focus on that. I pray about the timing of this adoption, knowing all too well that God has these children already chosen for our family. I'm praying that they are still with family, they are well cared for and being loved. I'm trying awfully hard to trust God with the timing, but I still find myself asking for this to go quickly. I'm terribly impatient when it comes to paperwork, agencies, and the government.

A friend of mine once told me that she doesn't ever ask God for patience, since she's afraid of what it may take for her to learn the lesson. She asks God, instead, to let her learn patience from watching the trials of others. We laughed at the time, but it seems to have a little truth to it. I'm praying that I don't need a lesson in patience right now.

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