Seth and I decided to start blogging because it seems the easiest way to feel like we are keeping in touch without constantly saying, "Did I tell you...(fill in obscure paperwork adoption related detail) is finished?" So this is really an attempt to keep us from driving those closest to us mad, and hopefully we can be an encouragment to those who might be thinking about adopting and just not sure. Let me first reassure everyone that we are not saints, we aren't crazy, we are just normal run of the mill people. I didn't grow up hoping to mother a houseful of children. In all honesty, I wasn't planning on having any kids until God threw our oldest son our way. Two years later we had our second son and then started talking about adopting. We brought our daughter home from Ukraine just 10 months later (in 2004).
A year ago I started praying about adopting another child. I talked to Seth and he was pretty noncommital. So I stopped talking to him and started talking to God. I figured if I wanted a baby but God wasn't planning that for us, then I'd flounder around trying to adopt and it just wouldn't work out. So I decided that I'd just ask God to tell me through my obtuse husband! After weeks of praying, not mentioning anything to Seth, he called from work. The first words out of his mouth were, "So when are we going to adopt again?" I felt like I'd been socked in the stomach--What? Yikes, does this mean...but before I could even exhale, Seth started jabbering. "Well, where would we go, and could we manage another kid, and what about the money? Forget about it." Then he hung up. I just sat stunned, wondering what that meant. I didn't mention that call for three or four days. I was scared and doubtful, thinking that really wasn't the answer because he convinced himself it was a bad idea. So I thought I'd just wait around for him to ask again.
What pushed me over the edge was a Bible study I'm in. We were studying the story of Abraham sending his servant to find a wife for Isaac (Genesis 24). It's amazing how God can zing you with something when you least expect it. This servant prayed that God would show him whom He had for Isaac to marry. He prayed specifically, asking for something that would not happen under normal circumstances. Then (and this is the kicker) when God answered that prayer, the servant immediately took action. This is where we differ. I start questioning the answered prayer- crippled by God's provision and my unpreparedness. The more I studied, the more conviction I felt. The kicker came with James 1:6-7. While studying Genesis, I was sent there as a reference for prayer. This is what it says:
"But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord." (KJV) Whoa, I'm a wave tossed with the wind? Great analogy, why would God continue to put up with my requests, if when answered, I ignore them?
That day Seth came home talking about tax returns and as he spoke all I could think was "He's going to go and blow that money paying off my student loans when it could be beginning of financing another adoption." So, I ambushed him that night--snot, tears, the whole nine yards. I'm not an emotional mess under most circumstances but I felt so bad I couldn't help it and Seth certainly wasn't prepared for my reaction. Sitting sipping coffee, reading a magazine, kids asleep, all is right in the world...until I come and sit down, bawling my eyes out! Poor guy, he said if I would have just honestly told him how much I wanted to adopt he would have agreed wholeheartedly. I explained that I didn't want to convince him, I wanted to know God's will for our family. He said he had no idea why he called the week before, but got excited about adding another child to our family. What a turnaround! That was the biggest step of many that led us to where we are today, unfortunately we decided to take the "scenic route" for this adoption. I'll get to that later though!