January 10, 2008

Look at the Ticker

After I wrote that last post, I looked at the ticker (I should remove that so I can get rid of some stress). People, do you see that thing? Do you see that in 2 days it will be one week shy of EIGHT months?! Is this driving anyone else CRAZY?

Sigh.

I feel a smidge better now.

But only a smidge. I'd like to be expecting a phone call from America World. I don't want to get my hopes up only to have them dashed.

I underlined this (in green crayon) in my Bible this morning:
Many, O Lord my God, are thy wonderful works which thou has done, and thy thoughts which are to us-ward: they cannot be reckoned up in order unto thee: if I would declare and speak of them, they are more than can be numbered. Psalm 40:5

Last night a missionary spoke at church and read this verse. Funny how that goes, I've read through Psalms and that has never jumped out at me (or it would already be underlined). But it sure struck me last night.

God does wonderful works--how do I know, what is the proof? I've seen them. I have experienced them in my life, the wonderful works that he does. I've been in situations that cry out of God's provision. Isn't that enough? Shouldn't I be able to look back over the times that He has provided, that he has proven His love for me? It sure should be enough. But God does more--His thoughts are on me. And my kids.

Lately, I've been thinking about our kids that aren't with us. I pray for them throughout the day, but I guard myself against spending too much time thinking about them because it breaks my heart. I feel so sad for them that it's crippling. Since I can't see where they are, it doesn't help for me to be upset. Right now they may be with their first parents, happy and healthy. And I want them to stay there for as long as possible. Isn't it grand to know that God knows where they are and His thoughts are on them?

Last week, Everett broke down crying before bed. I thought he was missing our family, or sad coming home after the holidays. He finally sputtered out that he misses our kids that aren't here. Our house feels lonely.

Eli is asking me at least twice a day about his 'brother and sister'. He prays for them to come home soon; even asking for prayer for them in Sunday School class. Seeing his big brother in tears probably didn't help the situation any.

So what could I say? I sat down on the floor next to their beds and told them the story of getting Ella. They had heard the abbreviated version before. But they had not heard about the mix-ups, the lost paperwork, and us being mistaken for another American couple. Then I explained that the family who wanted to adopt Ella ended up changing their minds, because the mommy who was told she would never have a baby, found out that she was going to have a baby. I went on to say that it is hard, and confusing but God has two kids picked out for our family and they just aren't ready yet.

That brings me back to the verse--the very last line give me a lump in my throat. "Thy thoughts which are to us-ward...they are more than can be numbered."

7 comments:

Jen said...

Oh Apryl That was beautiful!!!

We are praying sister. We are praying for all the kids waiting. It's me hope that soon, and very soon, you will get that call!!!!

Carpenters said...

I agree with Jen, that was beautiful!

We are praying too. We're praying that your referral comes and your children are in your arms very soon. We're also praying for peace for you, Seth, and the kids. How wonderful that you have your journey to Ella to share. It's so wonderful that they already love their siblings! We'll be praying.

With Love,
Penelope

E said...

Apryl,

Thanks so much for your comment on my blog. You're SO right...God CAN fix mistakes. What was I thinking? Or, not thinking? Anyway, your comment was so timely - thank you!!!

We're praying that you'll receive your referral very soon! Your wait has really been just so incredibly long!

I know it has been hard for Eben, too, as we wait for Abel to come home. We've been in this process over a year and Abel is a part of our lives, but I think it is hard for an only child to conceptualize what that is going to mean. And, I'm not sure Eben believes Abel is every going to actually be here (we all wonder that some days).

Anyway, our prayers are with you. I'm hoping this week or next will be the THE week!

Love,
Erica

Steve & Anna said...

I am thinking of you these days and we are praying for you and your children also.

with love,
Anna
(AWAA YG)

shawn and tisha said...

I pray that you will receive your referal very soon.

Tisha (awaa yg)

Zack & Rebecca Caldwell said...

Your children are precious Apryl. We are praying for all your children to be together soon.

Danielle said...

What an amazing Mommy you already are! I can't wait to see what God does for your family next. I'm hoping and praying it's so soon. We've only just begun (comparatively speaking...and stealing a great song title from the 80's:) ) and already our 4 year old Kole has said, "But I want our baby sister home NOW!)It's so hard to put it in kid-friendly language, and you did it SO well.

Love, Danielle