After I wrote that last post, I looked at the ticker (I should remove that so I can get rid of some stress). People, do you see that thing? Do you see that in 2 days it will be one week shy of EIGHT months?! Is this driving anyone else CRAZY?
I feel a smidge better now.
But only a smidge. I'd like to be expecting a phone call from America World. I don't want to get my hopes up only to have them dashed.
I underlined this (in green crayon) in my Bible this morning:
Many, O Lord my God, are thy wonderful works which thou has done, and thy thoughts which are to us-ward: they cannot be reckoned up in order unto thee: if I would declare and speak of them, they are more than can be numbered. Psalm 40:5
Last night a missionary spoke at church and read this verse. Funny how that goes, I've read through Psalms and that has never jumped out at me (or it would already be underlined). But it sure struck me last night.
God does wonderful works--how do I know, what is the proof? I've seen them. I have experienced them in my life, the wonderful works that he does. I've been in situations that cry out of God's provision. Isn't that enough? Shouldn't I be able to look back over the times that He has provided, that he has proven His love for me? It sure should be enough. But God does more--His thoughts are on me. And my kids.
Lately, I've been thinking about our kids that aren't with us. I pray for them throughout the day, but I guard myself against spending too much time thinking about them because it breaks my heart. I feel so sad for them that it's crippling. Since I can't see where they are, it doesn't help for me to be upset. Right now they may be with their first parents, happy and healthy. And I want them to stay there for as long as possible. Isn't it grand to know that God knows where they are and His thoughts are on them?
Last week, Everett broke down crying before bed. I thought he was missing our family, or sad coming home after the holidays. He finally sputtered out that he misses our kids that aren't here. Our house feels lonely.
Eli is asking me at least twice a day about his 'brother and sister'. He prays for them to come home soon; even asking for prayer for them in Sunday School class. Seeing his big brother in tears probably didn't help the situation any.
So what could I say? I sat down on the floor next to their beds and told them the story of getting Ella. They had heard the abbreviated version before. But they had not heard about the mix-ups, the lost paperwork, and us being mistaken for another American couple. Then I explained that the family who wanted to adopt Ella ended up changing their minds, because the mommy who was told she would never have a baby, found out that she was going to have a baby. I went on to say that it is hard, and confusing but God has two kids picked out for our family and they just aren't ready yet.
That brings me back to the verse--the very last line give me a lump in my throat. "Thy thoughts which are to us-ward...they are more than can be numbered."