September 29, 2008

Sweetness

Today, pulmonology had to give Sally a once over to make sure she's healthy enough for surgery. We've not met this doctor, but he's heard about us for months. He's seen x-rays, MRIs, CTs, and reports but never actually seen the cute face that belongs with all of the junk. He gave us good news. Then he gave me a reality check. I don't really want to face reality at this point. I'm trying my best to just press on towards Thursday in the hopes that I won't have an emotional breakdown before then.

He gave me a rundown of the various tubes I should be expecting to see coming from Sally when she's in ICU. Then, he explained what would be coming or going from the said tubes. Then, he told me about lungs collapsing and pneumonia. Then, I asked how long we should expect Sally to be in ICU and he replied, "Oh, three to seven days." Like so nonchalant. I guess he didn't meet up with the planner in my mind that had us there about two days. Big difference in two and seven. Especially when you are talking about sleeping in a chair and watching your kid live with tubes coming out of her everywhere. I was giving him my 'deer in the headlights but faking like I'm okay with everything he just said' look. I think he knew I was freaked out. I'm not a very good faker.

I picked up the rest of the brood from my dear, absolutely should be sainted, friend. We went home and unloaded more groceries (I bought 10 loaves of bread today, I'm officially losing my mind). I laid the baby down for a nap. The biggies and I made chocolate chunk cookies.

Yeah, I'm thinking that's probably not numero uno on the list of things to do days before your daughter goes into surgery. I missed getting that list upon arrival at parenthood. So, I'm making up my own rules and they include chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate. While our deliciousness was baking, I pulled out odds and ends of schoolwork to finish. This caused a barrage of complaining by the eldest child (who has determined that he needs to go directly to college since he's done with this nonsense). His murmurs blended well with the bickering of two more children and I had to send everyone to opposite corners of the house. A moment later, eldest somersaults from his appointed chair onto cast enclosed daughter and slams her to the floor...face first.

I'm at my breaking point, folks. I sent the offending boy outside and followed him. Then I explained that I couldn't take little tiffs. They could wait until life was normal again and bother each other. For now we must all get along and OBEY me. Then, I sent him in to do his work like a pleasant child and I...bawled...like...a...baby.

I just sat in the sun and had myself an absolute sob fest. Shoulders shaking, tears streaming down my face, and crying to God. I haven't cried since the day we found out about Sally's surgery. She watched me cry in the elevator and still asks me, "Why did you cry when we were at the doctor's office?" Obviously, that made a big impact.

I've held it it for too long and let *some* of it out today. In front of 4 pairs of eyes. I heard their whispers through the screen, "Everett, what did you do to Mommy?" A minute or so later one of them said, "Mommy, do you need something?" Then a chorus of, "Can we help you? Are you okay?"

God, why did you make them so rotten with this wonderful sweet streak? I hugged them all and we sat down and ate too many chocolate chunk cookies. Still only three days until surgery, but for a few minutes that's forgotten.

12 comments:

janetwhipple said...

Hi Apryl,
I don't comment much, but I've been following your blog for a while now! Just wanted to let you know I'll be thinking of you guys and praying for the surgery. I think a few emotional meltdowns are well deserved :) Hang in there!!!

Molly said...

I wish I could reach my arms through the computer to give you a hug! I can't seem to find words to encourage you, nor do I have anything worthwhile to say. I did remember this verse as i was reading your post and i hope that it soothes your soul.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:9

Praying for you!
Love in Christ,
Molly

Danica said...

I bet you felt a little better after that good cry and some cookies! Sometimes you just need to cry out to God and just let it all out. You can't be super mom all the time and no one expects you to be. You are doing a great job handling all of this. Hopefully, this will all be over soon and your little family will be so much stronger because of it. There are tons of people praying for you guys and God will take care of it. I love you!

E said...

Sniff, sniff. I'm praying!!! And...about the bread...hey, that's only two loaves a kid!

Praying you will all be covered in the grace & mercy of the Lord!

Erica

Jori said...

Oh Apryl, I am sitting here crying with you! You hold on to the Rock and call out to Him minute by minute in that hospital no matter how many days!! We lov eyou and are praying for you all ~ I so wish I could give you a "hug" right now!! Please let us know when you can.
love ya, jori

Kimberly Kulp said...

I don't know you but I am praying for you and feeling your pain. You are a WONDERFUL MOTHER, sobbing, chocolate, and all! Your children are seeing the your for God's grace and peace, a need they also have but do not know yet! This is a gift that cannot be bought. I will continue to pray for you.
In the meantime, be gentle with yourself. We were not made to go through these events alone. We were made to go through them surrounded by those who love us and carried by the God who authored each word of your daughter's beautiful story.

Kim Kulp
RR 9/26
4 month old Micah David

myMommyBrain said...

hi you probably don't know me, i went to high school with you and your sisters. a friend told me about your blog. i love it. it is really encouraging to me. and i want you to know i am praying for you and your family. i have a heart for adoption and i am planning on home schooling soon.so it is nice to hear from people who are doing it. i really enjoy your blog.. thank you for sharing....

Amanda said...

Hi Apryl,

Don't think I've ever commented, but I've been reading along for a while. I am praying for you and Solomae as you tackle the next few days.

Christine said...

There is nothing else you can or need to do to prepare. Use the remaining hours to play with all your kids and do some fun and special stuff that is out of the ordinary! Love to you all, Chris

the Steiger's said...

Oh April,
You are on my prayers everyday. Please know we are all thinking and praying for you.
I wanted to ask you if I can write a post on my blog to pray for SALLY and post some pictures we took when we saw her at TH in Ethiopia. Hugs and kisses from NH.
love, Lenka

Karen said...

Apryl - I'm hugging you right now and praying for you and your dear family. You are blessed and so loved! We are waiting news of a terrific outcome! with love, Karen Wistrom

The Gillman Family said...

April,

We are praying for you all and Sally's surgery this week. I say Cookies are the perfect thing to do before surgery. Lifting you up high!!!

Blessings,
Kim (YG)