One hour....

before school starts. I feel incredibly silly because I only have three students, and they are my kids. AND they are so excited about starting school that Eli said he's going to cry today because of happiness. Could I ask for anything more?

But I'm nervous because this year I have three kids to teach. I feel like if this day and this month don't go well I will have a nervous breakdown wondering if I can manage five children, homeschooling three of them.

Did I mention that my palms are sweating right now?

I feel even sillier because I'm in my robe sipping coffee, have oatmeal baking in the oven (with white chocolate chips in it) waiting for my kids to wake up. I'm the picture of peace--my books are laid out, supplies are purchased and organized. Our school area is pristine (though this only happened last night) and inviting. But I feel so much pressure because I don't know if I can do it. When people ask how I'm going to manage five young children my answer is, "I don't know." I don't know HOW I will do it because I've never done it. And so I've put myself into this place thinking if today goes beautifully, then I'm one step closer to managing my family in 6 months when I add two babies to the clan. It sort of makes sense, right? Or am I completely out of my mind--yeah, yeah, don't answer that.

The more I type the more butterflies I feel, so I better stop now and just promise that I'll post later (if all goes well and the wild children don't tie me up in the basement because school didn't live up to their expectations).